It's Not What You Say, It's the Way That You Say It

So far I've been talking about 'arms length' collection techniques - techniques that (a) give you time to think about what you intend to say, and how you are going to say it and (b) only demand 'shallow' interpersonal skills.

E-mails and letters can be drafted and crafted until you are satisfied with them; telephone calls, meetings and visits can't be controlled in that way, and demand much more sophisticated interpersonal skills - which means, of course, that they can be much more difficult to handle successfully.

One of the primary reasons that social networking techniques make it so easy to make 'friends' and influence people is that vital human elements are missing in the virtual world that are always present in the real world. You may, for example, find that some of the contacts you have made into 'virtual friends' don't look, react, or behave the way you imagined they would (or can be unbearably irritating!) when you speak to them on the telephone or meet them in the flesh - or that you instinctively dislike or mistrust them.

When you use 'up close and personal' collection techniques, it's sometimes necessary to disguise your reactions to other people (particularly if those reactions are very negative!) and - so far as telephone calls are concerned - remember that it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it.